long time no see

Brain dump ahead.

It’s been a about two months since I switched to working on my lab repository instead of the oceloti.js repository.

I have been using it as my web operating system for playing with media andf prototyping little games and tools.

I’m very excited to see how it becomes more stable and concepts become more defined like the toolbelt and some inventory to manage my tools and things.

I'm also realizing that I don’t want to make a web builder but rather an OS where I do most of my activities if not all.

I eventually want to move away from the Apple ecosystem and be OS-agnostic.

I’m also thinking about paying for a hetzner server again to explore this concept even further.

I'll start using my domain names as API endpoints and I'll redirect the root endpoint to fergarram.online or corresponding subpage.

Build systems suck.

I just saw a woman that I felt pretty sure I've seen her in my dreams.

It made me, for a brief moment, realize that there are infinite other realities. The paths going forward depend solely on my conscious interaction with the world, my interpretations and ways I deal with my body-vehicle.

All my recent insecurities are but a strange dream when looked from a distant world.

I think it may be a good time to start writing devlogs more consistently. I’m not sure.

Is it consistency that’s missing?

What I realized today after talking with Rodrigo is that I might as well be sharing my research findings in a more structured way, and announce that I’ll be sharing.

If I look at the work I’ve been doing the past few months, it’s actually somewhat consistent and interesting.

I’ve been finding a few patterns and discovering intersting ideas like the oceloti-plugs, the cursor centric UI design, the need for bags, immediate chats, etc.

All very interesting things.

I think what I’m struggling with is the post format. I don’t want to write long posts looking like essays.

But I don’t want to tweet things. This is why fergarram.online exists.

Posting about findings also serves for documenting these ideas for myself and future docs/guides.

I also want to incentivize collaboration.

I want to have more conversations about my research and prototypes.

I want to have more interactions.

I want a single place to do all this. I’d love to just merge it all under fergarram.online — obscurity, this, portfolio, everything.

Where do I start? I need a room browser. If I had a room browser I could just use rooms and use suna.garden

Maybe this is the next step.

Everything is a remix. We usually think of this in terms of content but not as much in terms of the medium or vessel for the content.

What if the medium was as easy to remix as it is to remix content?

What if medium becomes so intertwined with content that it’s hard to tell apart?

Shit takes time. I'm not gonna contaminate doing what I love with fake hurries.

11:12

I want to start doing interviews again...

@merlino_games
@kepano
Dave Ackley

0:10

For the obscurity.wiki redesign, I want to use something that feels like this youtube video.

3:14 AM

Unable to sleep.

I found this article by this guy I follow on twitter. It's one of those articles that I kinda know what it says and I'm pretty sure I'm already doing some or most of what it suggests. But I don't want to go through it all. In moments like this I wish I had setup a journal assistant that knows me and ask it to read it for me and tell me if there is anything new.

00:28

Last post tonight. I just finished setting up devlogs for fergarram.online. And while I was at it I tweaked the site themes a bit.

I think that as I grow into the habit of logging (both devlog and journal), my content, writing style, streaming style, web design style... my work, will become more unified. My "voice" will start to develop.

Good night.

22:27

More and more I want to remake obscurity.wiki.

I just don't resonate with the style anymore.

I would like to make it dependency free but I would have to create an obsidian-flavored markdown parser from scratch to begin with.

I think I would benefit just from just changing the design even if I don't change the implementation which currently uses Elder.js.

The thing is it currently is a hybrid of web app and website.

...

I think I'll stick with implementation but update the design.

Maybe at some point I'll do a vanilla migration.

I think I want to use fergarram.online more as a personal activity feed and not so much for sharing personal thoughts and random shit I like. And since I won't be using suna.garden anymore I'll just redirect all log links to this site and have channels.

I'll do this now.

23:08

I just bought rooom.online.

It's going to be used like this: fergarram.rooom.online

23:12

It's been a while since I don't log here. Inspired by the fergarram.online site, I made similar tool for canvas. I documented the whole process here on my wiki.

Since then, I've been working on it and decided to start from zero on suna.garden. You can also read about that on my wiki.

These past few days have been amazing. It had been a while since I stayed in flow so long.

I've made a lot of progress but there is still a lot to go. Lately, I've been feeling the need to talk to someone about this. I have developer friends who technically understand this but I don't feel like they get the deep meaning of this. That's not a problem, but I still feel the need to talk about it. So, for this reason, I'll just continue to write about it instead. Hopefully someone will actually read my notes and findings.

Making suna.garden with this new approach feels a lot more like a video game. I feel like before this new path, I was making a product - it even had dark/light modes. But now, following the analogy of a room connects me with some deeper knowledge that I probably got back when I made games with game maker. GM used the room analogy to manage the equivalent of "scenes" in other game engines. I think because I grew up with that mental model I'm able to connect with deeper knowledge.

Having a room analogy and sticking to native web behavior (to a degree) and vanilla js and css gives me organic constraints that help me make decisions and limit the scope of things.

I want to continue writing but since it's becoming more technical I'll continue on my wiki.

18:20

I’m waiting for an old man who wants to buy a phone I posted on Facebook Marketplace. It’s nice just sit and wait. I’m waiting in a little plaza in front of an old church.

23:28

I finally got back to obscurity.wiki. There are a lot of things I want to update and change but it's going to be a slow process, I'll continue work on it next Wednesday or earlier if I feel like it.

In any case I'm excited to start documenting ideas in there again. It was interesting to see how much my writing style has changed, or rather, how I have become more lighthearted and less serious about my "public research". I feel like now I just want to be casual. I don't want to impress anybody, I just want to explore my curiosity and share that with others.

It's also interesting to see how my priorities have changed. I value more my prototypes and my interests in computing rather than artificial cognition. A lot happened in 2023 in my personal life and in the world. ChatGPT appeared, I moved to a different country, and a ton more things. All those things influenced this and I'm happy to continue exploring and sharing this with the world.

-

I think a great part of the stress I had about my work was coming from the expectation that everything I did had to be a project, it had to lead to something big. Today, I feel less anxious about that. Today I just want to enjoy the moment. Just like when I was a kid or a teenager. Pure curiosity and creativity, why? because it was fun. Because it is fun.

It's because it's fun, nothing else.

17:28

I just saw how my roommate's cat ate a bird. It felt pretty weird not gonna lie.

13:06

Looking at finance today. Things are going a little worse than projected. It's mainly due to unexpected health expenses I've had since the start of the year.

Shit. Agh I just want to get back on track.

This year 2024 started very different compared to all other years in my life. I've always felt like a lucky person, and I still do, but I feel like I received a major debuff. I think I'm burning off both recent and previous karma.

I currently don't know if carnivore was a good or bad idea. I don't regret that decision though, it's something I had been wanting to do for a while now.

I'm also dealing with the grieving of an important friendship breakup I had at the end of last year.

I'm also dealing with new feelings related to my ex-gf. It's hard to explain without providing more context but basically it was a great relationship (still is), but we separated due to personal growth and logistical reasons. Conscious decoupling. Anyways, there are new feelings I haven't felt this way before even though it's been more than a year of the break up.

I can keep on listing everything that I've been going through. It's just a ton of things man. I feel the need to do list everything going on in my life just for me to some explanation of current feelings and experience. I might do on my private journal.

In any case, I'm happy. I'm following my intuition again. I'm trying to be structured, something I've struggled all my life with. But most importantly, I'm allowing my self to create for the sake of creating — fergarram.online is proof of this. And, this is what this year is about. It's about following The Path that has been shown to me.

21:27

I need to start doing more shit that I want to do and less shit that "I should be doing".

19:58

I want to make sculptures with scrap materials and substances or objects I like. Just like when I was a kid. Back then I didn't think of them as sculptures, they were toys for me.

The difference today is that I don't want to play with my creations, I just want to be amused by them. I'm really looking forward to doing that again soon. Hopefully after getting the visa and finding a place to live in Spain.

11:24

It's crazy to think that as I kid I wanted to work with computers all the time — "when I grow up I want to be an engineer". Now the main reason why I'm working with computers is so that I can buy land and become a host. Have chickens, grow vegetables, host travelers. A type of hostel. My curiosity for computers and technology is still here. But it's different to use that to make money.

21:05

Today I worked on less new experimental things and more on simple web development stuff at work, and it felt good. I miss the agency days more often than not. But back then I didn't love it. Team mates were the best, designs weren't bad, but PHP + WordPress + Bad Management + Hubstaff (fucking hate hubstaff) totally killed it. I think the best scenario is owning the design and tool stack.

Personal Taste + Svelte + Tailwind 🤌🏻🤌🏻🤌🏻

It's funny to think that that agency would probably do way better business-wise if they listened to the actual people making the websites (designers/devs/account managers).

Anyways. Love what I'm doing these days at work. But I can't stop thinking about this satisfying feeling of writing HTML + CSS for hours and hours. The flow of that is beautiful. The simplicity of that type of work is very enjoyable.

18:49

Inspired by xvburak's diary, I want to try journaling in public again. I'm keeping it simple by using Are.na as the main constraint. I'll be using the same format I'm already using with my private journal.

There are other things I would love to share — poems, personal photos, a bit of music, etc. I'll try to incorporate them here as well.

Sometimes I think that the main reason why journaling in public is hard is not so much because of the public aspect but because of the environment in which it is done. Arena feels like a safe place. None of my friends use it (that I know of) and it seems to be filled with nice people who share similar values. To be clear though, I would love for my close friends to use this.

We'll see what happens.

¯_(ツ)_/¯

19:20

I’m outside now. Why would we choose to be inside over outside? The weather is great today. It’s a lovely day.

Being inside too long makes me sick. Literally ill.
Being outside makes me strong, peaceful, and gets me bit by insects.

Freedom is something that I think a lot about. Being 26 and surrounding myself with people in their 30s makes me think about what I want to optimize for.

So, I want to optimize for freedom.
The freedom to be a nomad sometimes and the freedom to be a settler.
The freedom to just stop everything if I need to if I'm able to.
The freedom to choose freedom.
The freedom to pause.
The freedom to live with little by choice.

Within my options, I can choose Latin America or Europe. I could even choose the US but I doubt I would choose that one. I'm in Spain right now. I've been in Europe since the start of February. There are many things I like about Europe. Spain feels like home in a lot of ways. France will always have a special part of my heart. Sorry, I'm just thinking out loud. I don't know where to live and I think I'll never be able to stay at a single place, and that's ok, this is how I grew up.

What I do know is that freedom is not always free. True freedom is, but financial freedom, traveling freedom, those are not always free. Work is required. At this stage of my life, I'm focused on being honest about my relationship with work.

I need to start journaling privately now.

Note: I think that the power of journaling depends on who are the readers.